Microsoft retail stores are going to open soon, and I can’t wait.

I simply love going to an Apple store and browsing through all the cool Apple hardware: Macbooks, iMacs, the Mac Pro, Time Capsule, iPods, iPhones.

So when the Microsoft store opens, I want to go get my hands on all that cool Microsoft hardware, like—um, well, let’s see, they have 36 different models of mouse and 22 keyboards! I guess there will be an XBox there, but I don’t waste time on games. Maybe they will have a Microsoft Surface. I’d love to know what they look like, but I can’t see a picture through Microsoft’s web site. You have to install their Silverlight product on your computer in order to see pictures of the Surface. So, unless I go to a Microsoft store, I’ll never know what a Surface looks like.

Maybe I’m being unfair; Microsoft is mainly a software company, so I’ll go to their store to see all the cool Microsoft software! There’s Windows, and Office, and, um, let’s see, what else?

Oh, of course! Microsoft Amalga Unified Intelligence System 2009! They say it will “leverage your existing technology investments to drive real-time and continuous improvement.” Can’t miss that one.

While I’m there I might as well have a look-see at Microsoft Forefront, “Business Ready Security,” which “helps deliver end-to-end security and access to information through an integrated line of protection, access, and identity management products.”

And I want to look at Microsoft Dynamics, “a familiar line of adaptable business management solutions,” so I can “Discover how to help reduce costs with enterprise resource planning (ERP) and customer relationship management (CRM) solutions your people can actually use.” I mean, at my house we talk about that stuff all the time.

I’m not so excited about Expression Studio; sure, it’s “a perfect tool to enable you to create compelling, impactful and expressive designs for the desktop and the web.” And I really, really want to be impactful. You can’t understate the importance of impactfulness. But Expression Studio is about Silverlight, which I understand will help me build web sites that look like this:

to people who decline to install the plugin, thank you.

I’ll probably skip the servers—Windows Server, Windows Essential Business Server, Windows Small Business Server (because small businesses are not essential), Exchange Server, and BizTalk Server. But I’ll be sure to leave time to play with Microsoft Tag, HealthVault, and AutoCollage.

In fact, I’ve been so excited about visiting a Microsoft store, I wanted to poke around their web site to see what’s new. I brought up their site on my iPhone. I browse the Apple site all the time on my iPhone. It looks like this:

because Mobile Safari is a real browser and you don’t have to dumb down your web site for it. Funny, the Microsoft site looks like this:

I remember seeing sites like that a few years ago when I had a Palm. I tried to go to microsoft.com, but it always changed the URL to mobile.microsoft.com. So I didn’t get to see much.

But I’m not discouraged! In fact, I’ve saved the best for last. The biggest reason to go to a Microsoft store is to check out the Zune! I’ve never seen one. In the wild, that is. I’ve only seen pictures.

But not from my iPhone.